The telephone thing

[kaz]

To put it mildly, I have issues when it comes to telephones.

In the extreme case, I can have a conversation over the telephone without really being able to understand the other person, while saying things I don't mean, but that bit doesn't really matter because I don't know what it is I'm saying and the other person isn't able to understand me anyway. Subsets of this set of circumstances crop up very regularly. As is probably understandable, telephone conversations with people I do not know very well a) take up a large chunk of my spoons and b) are singularly unpleasant experiences that I will go to great lengths to avoid.

So why is it that there are so many things you can only ever do by phone?

The current fail is me trying to get a code from my mobile phone provider so I can switch providers and still keep my number. I send an e-mail. "Sorry, call this number!" I go to their store. "Sorry, you can only do this by phone!" Why is it that when I am standing right there I have to do it by phone? Why is it that among the multitude of alternate communication channels we have at our disposal it has to be this specific one? Is it so utterly impossible for you to imagine there are people who might have problems with it?

The really frustrating thing is, of course, that I *can* use a fistful of spoons to grit my teeth and lift the handset and call the company anyway, with at least a reasonable chance of being able to communicate. There are people who can't. These people might, actually, have mobile phones as you can do far more with them than simply calling people. Or maybe they'd like to do things like changing the address for their credit card (another one of those "sorry, phone only!" things for my bank, which has resulted in my credit card having been unusable for the last year). Methinks Deaf or HoH people, among others, would like to be able to use credit cards too?

Comments

[kaz]

Augh. That sounds like the kind of telephone conversation that would make me give up in horror one person in. I congratulate you on managing to put up with it as long as you did.

And - ohh yes. Ever since I first had the big realisation of "holy shit I'm disabled", I sort of mentally bounce between "I'm just making a fuss about nothing I should be ashamed of myself for acting as if I'm disabled when all the Real Disabled People are over there" (typical invisible disability narrative, in other words) and "oh my god do I spend a massive amount of spoons on rote everyday things that other people probably don't even *think* about." It makes me really bitter sometimes, hearing people make disparaging comments about things where I am willing to bet they haven't the slightest idea what it's like to live that, whereas I deal with that shit every day. And it's really difficult to keep myself from falling back into that "must try harder!" mantra (instead of trying to work around my limitations which is the sensible thing to do) or beating myself up about things like subsisting on junk food a lot of the time (when this is, you know, because eating and the procurement and preparation of food can be a very spoon-consumptive activity and I need very careful planning and routines to fall back on in order to manage semi-regular meals.)

It's really difficult to try and re-learn what you can be proud of, and letting it include things other people can do without even thinking. :(

[jesse_the_k]

It's really difficult to try and re-learn what you can be proud of, and letting it include things other people can do without even thinking.

Precisely! That's another case of "living within chalk lines." Because I've learned how to work around my limitations, I experience less day-to-day impairment. I draw the borders in chalk, and I'm careful not to overstep them. So one of the things I am proud of is not "overcoming" my disability, but learning how to dance with it.

That's a concept some disabled people don't get, and it's really foreign to most non-disabled people.

[willow]

I finally learned my limits spoon/enrgy wise when I ended up flat on my back earlier this year. I could sleep, just barely make it to the bathroom and I couldn't even eat. I could manage a glass of milk.

Now I seriously respect my energy limits like no one's business. Like whoa!

Yet, I'm still slightly mad at myself for -still- needing recovery time after having to have a plumber intervention in my space for about a week straight back in August. Logically I know how much energy it took to deal with strangers in my space, making a mess etc. But the part that's only just admitted this year that my cane is going to be long term? It isn't listening.

And I get you on the food front too. I've just realized that trying to keep a particular diet is wearing me out and I'm just going to have to deal with the fact some premade stuff has msg, because I need premade sometimes.

So yeah, folk not getting the concept of spoons (energy spoons, intellectual spoons, combinations etc) - I wish there was a robot to come after me to give them a thumping.