Dancing with a partner with a cane, a free hint:

[azurelunatic]

If you are out clubbing, and you see someone with whom you would like to dance, and lo, she is boogeying most righteously, more power to the both of you.

If you see that in addition to her righteous boogeying, she is incorporating the use of a cane, hey, there is a noble history of the use of canes in dance, from tap to Egyptian dance. Even though her cane looks more like it came from Walgreen's than any sort of dance supply establishment.

You may even be so bold as to take her free hand, if it's the sort of establishment where one touches one's fellow dancers, and she does not seem opposed to the concept.


One does not grab the hand with the cane.


One does not lift the hand with the cane from where it's been keeping the cane in fairly close contact with the floor.

Yea, even though she may be boogeying most fucking righteously, do not make the mistake of assuming that because the cane is not actively holding her up all of the time and she is stepping about in a sprightly fashion, that she does not actually need that cane for things like keeping her balance, catching herself in the event of sudden knee pain from a misstep, and the occasional bit of active-holding-up as she burns through her stamina.

Dancing like crazy with a cane and complete confidence is, after all, a much better option for her than hobbling around caneless and being stymied by stairs, and fearing to walk further than a block in case her knees should betray her. This is, after all, the weekend club scene in the city, and who the fuck willingly drives in San Francisco when there are other options?


One does not repeatedly yank the hand with the cane around.

One does not engage in an arm-wrestling match for control of where her hand (with the cane) is.


Even though she might not have immediately slapped you silly, this is still not okay. She might have been too shocked and appalled, and too unwilling to start shit on the dance floor when she was having fucking fun and out actually dancing for the first time in fucking years, and the first time with a cane, in celebration of her increased mobility.

In fact, this may be the first time that she's ever had to deal with someone being an appalling creep about the goddamn cane, and she may not be used to setting boundaries like that, because it's never come up before.

Because the vast majority of people are not drunk as fuck assholes who arm-wrestle you for control of your fucking cane, you idiot.

Comments

[jackandahat]

Holy shit. I'm sorry you had that happen to you. Some people are complete fuckwits. Gah.

[azurelunatic]

I'm sorry that I didn't think to school him about this directly at the time, because now he may think it's ok, because I didn't fall over or knee him in the nuts or anything.

[jackandahat]

Don't go beating yourself up - you were shocked. And sadly, it takes so much to get through to idiots like that that even if you had hit him, he'd probably have decided you were a moody cow who didn't fancy him, or something completely unrelated to the fact he hasn't the brains of your average potted plant.

It's one of those things you just don't expect - I've learned to yell at people who grab my cane in public situations because I'm used to it, (getting on the bus is a big one )but I'd have been stunned on the dancefloor. People are just... gah.

[azurelunatic]

I did, however, link from Twitter to a copy of this rant in my own journal, using hashtags of both the venue and the band. So perhaps he'll see it and recognize himself.

[jadelennox]

I'm going to pretend I have faith in human nature and hope that he not only see that, but that he feels shame when he does.

[azurelunatic]

In delightful contrast, the other guy I danced with that evening was a perfect gentleman, and we were dancing quite happily with him mostly leading, without so much as touching once, even though I wouldn't have objected to him taking my free hand had he ventured to do so.

[susanreads]

Ow, that's infuriating. I hope he didn't aggravate your knee or anything.

[azurelunatic]

No, it was early enough in the evening and I'd been resting prior to starting dancing, and my endurance is recovering enough, that I had plenty of leg strength left (which I was profligately spending on fast steps, but that was my own lookout) so that I wasn't left helpless when I didn't have full control of my arm.

My knee's also mostly sensitive to torque, and I outmassed this guy enough that while he could push my arms around to some degree, he wasn't shifting my actual balance.

I was also wearing good sturdy shoes (sneakers: horrid for clubbing (which I'm not generally a fan of but it was Abney Park so I could not miss that), tacky for wear at a steampunk concert, unmatched for traction) so I didn't have shoe-fail to contend with too.

[jecook]

*facepalm* what an ass.

[language_escapes]

I don't understand people who think it's ok to grab someone's cane. Even if you think it's a costume piece, why not play it safe? Jeez.

I'm sorry you had to endure that. That really bites.

[willow]

Wanton unthinking ignorance tends to leave a person stunned speechless cause it's right there, wagging naked, oblivious.

At least if you ever go dancing again while feeling safe, you can have this post printed out to shove at an idiot once you regain composure.

The shocked speechless that's still hitting me is people who see me using a cane, but feel the need to grab my elbow to help - so far this has only happened on the bus, but could be easily prevented by thinking bus drivers (there have been a few) who ask if they need to wait for me to be seated before they start up.

Then perhaps I wouldn't have strangers ignoring the problem is the bus driver and grabbing the hand with the cane because I seem unsteady on a moving bus.

[jesse_the_k]

1. Glad you had some nice dancing to garnish that person's total lack of humanity.

2. Congratulations: you have now proved yourself capable of dancing while your head's exploding!

3. Mostly a cane-with-hidden-sword would be a magnet for unfunny security theater, but it might have come in handy last night!

[archersangel]

some people are so thick-headed

[softestbullet]

OH MY GOD WHAT. Arm-wrestling match? Gaahhhhhh!